im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
