No, you can still breathe under the balls.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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