garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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