Cold hands, warm shart.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
