when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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