just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
