Define "chronic" masturbator.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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