I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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