Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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