Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
