im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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