This girl is more easily done than said...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
