we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize