Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
