Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
