It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
