idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
