u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
