OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
