You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize