girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
