OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she looked like the before picture.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
