Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
