Have you finally orgasmed yet?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
