Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
