so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize