Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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