I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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