I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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