im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
