Swine flu. Run for my life!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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