I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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