your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
