There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
