Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
