I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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