that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
