Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
