god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
there is glitter all over my balls
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
