it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
