Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
