My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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