I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
