alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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