I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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