Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize