had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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