Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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