Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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