Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
