I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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