It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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