i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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