Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
