Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize