I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Is it because I queefed?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
