Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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