im about as happy as oj after his trial
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
