Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
