eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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