so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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