This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Actions speak louder than pants.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
