2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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