i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
