just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
