I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
