Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
