i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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