Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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