he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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