She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
