he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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