it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my shit smells like andre
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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