The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
