You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
