Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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