So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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