Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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