but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
