May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize