she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
