i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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