I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
