But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
