**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
