How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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