he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
