I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
