my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
