I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
