Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My liver just had a heart attack.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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