Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
