Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
