she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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