he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
