just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize