i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
my poor anus
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
