Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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