i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
