I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
