SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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